Judith Auslander, MA, MAIS, CLC, CHt

Empowering Women to Weave Their Dreams Into Reality!

“Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.” Yoda

MediaBakery_FLR0017678How much do you suffer from held anger and hate? How much do those feelings lead your life?

I have discovered that many of my clients suffer from an unlived life or a partial life due to long held anger toward someone who may not even part of their life any longer. Common sense would tell us to let go of useless anger. But what we tell ourselves in our logical mind does not always pass through to our subconscious, which tends to hold on to anger, fear, and hate year after year after year.

So, how does one get over this – let go for real?

We can go through counseling, but talk therapy does not often do the trick. Sometimes, therapy will even reinforce the negative feelings as we keep tickling the memory by talking about it over and over again. Sometimes therapy is what is needed – that is why we have therapists, but sometimes going through hypnosis is the answer that is needed.

In hypnosis (at least the kind that I do) it allows you to re-experience a negative event and see it from a different perspective allowing you to create a more mature or more proactive experience. Also, in hypnosis you have the opportunity of forgiving the perpetrator. {Important note: Forgiving does not mean forgetting, condoning or liking the perpetrator.} What forgiving does do is allow you to let go of the anger, the hate, and in the end, the suffering. This allows you to start living your life without all the baggage.

So, you can start living your life your way.

What are you carrying around that is no longer useful? What fear, anger, hate are you ready to let go of to end the suffering.

P.S. Thanks Yoda

2 Ways to Avoid Extra Pounds

IMZ0017346_PFEELINGS! IT’S ALL ABOUT FEELINGS!

Feelings – we all have them. But do we really know what we are feeling? Most of the time we are clueless as to what we are feeling.

Let’s take for example hunger. We are watching TV and suddenly we will get the munchies. Something in us tells us we really want to eat something.

You know how this works. You walk into the kitchen and start looking through the refrigerator, the cupboards, and those places you stash the “bad” snacks. Sure there is food in all those places, but you are on the search for something – what is it?

Well, the thing is – your probably are not truly feeling hungry. This kind of “noshing” is what causes fat. Why? Because you more than likely are not really feeling hunger. The problem is – we don’t know what we are feeling.

There are two things that I can help you with here.

  1. Realize first of all where hunger is REALLY felt. Here is a clue; it is not in your brain. It’s in your stomach – in that area right above your belly button. And, if you are truly hungry, opening the refrigerator and heading for a chicken leg, carrot sticks, celery with nut butter or an apple will sound great. If you are not really hungry then you usually will go for the non-nourishing snack food that goes straight to your waistline.
  2. So, how do you know what is really going on – you ask yourself. Here’s how, “1,2,3 What am I feeling?” That simple question will help save your waistline. When you ask – what am I feeling – you really have to go inside yourself and ask yourself – what am I feeling? I will be happy to send you a list of feelings that come from the book, The Secret Language of Feelings, that will really help you narrow down what is exactly is going on inside your feeling mind. Just email me at Judith@WiseHeartCoaching.com and I will be happy to send it to you.

 

3 Ways to Talk Nice!

negativelabelsSelf-talk has been a topic of those in the healing field for a long time. So, long in fact, that I thought “everyone” knew about self-talk and how it truly affects ones thinking about themselves. And yet, day after day, it is proven to me by my clients that there is still not enough talk about self-talk.

What is self-talk?

Basically, it is exactly as it sounds – how you talk about yourself to yourself. Far too often we are extremely critical of ourselves – and we let ourselves know it. Mistakenly, we think, “Oh, it doesn’t matter, I know I’m kidding.” I say “mistakenly” because it is a HUGE mistake to think how you talk about yourself does not matter.

There is this little thing called a sub-conscious, which is what I work with during hypnosis, and let me tell you, your sub-conscious does not take anything as a joke. No matter how funny you are, your sub-conscious is NOT. That huge part of your brain sees everything as black and white, right and wrong, yes or not. There is no gray, maybe or perhaps. So, when you say terrible things to yourself, like “I am so fat, ugly, dumb, etc” your sub-conscious takes it as absolute fat (and saying, “I’m kidding,” doesn’t work).

So, here are 3 things to ask yourself before you say something nasty about yourself to yourself.

  1. Would I say this to my best friend, my child, my spouse, my boss, to someone I cared about? If the answer is no, then don’t do it.
  2. Instead of saying things like, “I’m so stressed,” “I’m am exhausted,” or “I can’t understand this,” be in question. In other words, ask yourself a question instead, such as, “I wonder why I am so tired, stressed, not seeming to understand this?” If you ask yourself a question, then you can come up with an answer that help you change the situation and it does not criticize.
  3. Instead of saying, “I can’t, I won’t, I shouldn’t” change it to what you can, will, want to do. For example, if you want to buy a new dress (or any article of clothing), instead of saying, “I can’t buy this” or “I can’t afford this,” change it to what you can do. You can save your money, you can wait until payday, you can decide how to afford it. This change in wording can make a huge change in your personal power. It exchanges powerlessness for powerfulness. You are now in control.

Now, giving yourself a pep talk, that’s great! “I can do this,” “I am capable,” talk is wonderful to help you get a job done. You can also encourage yourself with words such as “shoulders back, head straight, tummy in, walk proud!” Hey, that’s great self-talk.

 

The Plans of Mice & Men (Women)!

 mickey_mouse_cartoon

I just finished training in Las Vegas for a wonderful new process called Gastric Band Hypnosis. It’s great! The client goes through the process of the gastric band surgery – but without the surgery! How does it get better than that? Well it does because it has a 95% success rate – better than the band itself.

Anyway, I decided then and there that I was going to start saving money so that I can go to the National Hypnosis Convention in Massachusetts in August and also take the Stage Hypnosis course. No sooner did I decide that then my crown fell off my tooth. I thought it could just be put back on – but no way (it has a hole in it) so $1000 later I will have a new crown.

So, what happens to our plans? I know I am not alone in planning one thing and then life decides – uh uh, no way – I have other plans for you. How do you survive these shifts in plans? It’s not easy!

I am interested in hearing your views.

Four Reasons We Self Sabotage

stop-self-sabotage-behaviour

 

Why We Self-Sabotage (continued from WHC Insights Newsletter – if you missed your copy, just email me and I will send it out to you.)

In WHC Insights we discovered how we all self-sabotage. The first of the Four Reasons was Our Values are not Attuned to our Goals and two, Fear of Failure. Now on to reasons 3 and 4.

 3. Fear of Success

Yup, you can have fear of success. How? The biggest fear of success is that you will actually succeed – then what? How will you be changed? How will life change? What will friends and family think?
Let’s take losing weight as a concept – you lose the weight over summer break from school. In the fall you meet up with your old friends but you are no longer interested in joining them for the usual burger and fries. You aren’t behaving as they predict. When you do join them, you order a salad.  Yikes! The camaraderie of burgers and fries is missing. What do you do? Often you might just give in and regain the weight so that you can keep the same relationships.
Or, what if you are successful at your business and start making money. Instead of being the poor friend or family member you now have new clothes, new car, maybe you purchase a home, travel. Will there be jealousy? Will you find yourself feeling like you should pay for times you all go out? Yes, of course, true friends will be your “Hurray” team, but things change. Also, are you ready to see yourself as a person who has the wealth that you only dreamed about? Are you prepared for success?
Sometimes it is just easier to not rock the boat and instead of losing weight, becoming successful, and succeeding, to just sabotage and fail.

4. Lack of Commitment

Generally, lack of commitment is when you decide you want to change something or start doing something that you normally don’t do. These include all of the above ideas such as losing weight, exercising, going to school, writing a book, walking or bicycling to work rather then driving, start the business you have always wanted, learn another language – the millions of things that you say you “want” to do, but are not really committed to. Maybe it is a dream, a want, a desire – not really something you are willing to put actual time and energy into. The trick is, to know when something is just a nice idea, but that the heart really isn’t into the work it will take to follow through to the end.

If you start a new project, and you aren’t committed, then you will most assuredly sabotage and not follow through.

There are other reasons we self-sabotage or resist. Maybe our steps are too huge – like wanting to lose 30 pounds. Maybe if they were smaller, easier steps such as losing 5 pounds? Then we could celebrate and then make the next goal another 5 pounds.

Love your comments – Judith

 

What happens when we Jump To Conclusions?

download  We all do it – jump to a conclusion.

  Today, I had that experience with a dear friend. It was painful! My friend had jumped to a    conclusion and called me angry and with accusations that I was immediately hurt by and  responded to.

  I reacted! I retaliated with my own anger at her accusations. I defended myself. This is the  ego in full defense – and my body responded. My blood pressure went up, I could feel my head start to ache, my voice rose with anger, and replied to her with what I felt was justification. There was also a part of me that wanted to hide – to just say “OK” and end the argument. To swallow my hurt instead of speaking my pain.

The thing is – all of my immediate reactions were part of my lower self – my ego – which felt that it needed to protect itself. Instead of being in question, I became reactive. Instead of inviting the Light in to help me in understanding the situation better, I belched out my anger. 

Later, once I calmed down and thought about the situation I realized that this was not like my friend at all. It is not normal for her to accuse instead of asking questions. So, I called her back. I apologized for responding from my ego and asked her what was going on with her, if she was okay. Through communicating from our higher self we realized that we both reacted incorrectly and promised to ask questions rather than accuse. This felt whole – this felt light.

When have you responded from your ego – reactive self – instead of your higher side? I would love to read your comments.

What are you going to change for 2014?

My most recent WHC Insights newsletter asked how you were going to        S-T-R-E-T-C-H yourself in 2014. I look forward to you adding your ways of stretching here. And I will check in and will comment.

In the meantime – Wise Heart Coaching is also going to be stretching and spreading her wings.

Stay tuned for changes to the website. These changes will reflect the various ways that Wise Heart Coaching is changing and growing. This year I graduated with two different certificates: 1. as a Sage-ing Leader and 2. as a CVI (Core Value Index) Assessment Coach. I will be doing CVI assessments which includes one hour of coaching for $99. You will learn a lot more about yourself. If interested, drop me a line. Just visit my Contact Me Page.

This year Wise Heart Coaching is also branching out into the business world. Using the CVI, my book on goal setting, along with the many tools I have learned in building a team.

In May I will be attending The Wellness Institute in Issaquah Washington to become a Hypnotherapist. This is something that I have wanted to do for years and am very excited about adding hypnotherapy to my coaching skills.

2014 promises to be a big year for Wise Heart Coaching and I am honored that you are joining me on this adventure.

 

An Attitude of Gratitude

It is easy to be in gratitude for the things that are wonderful in life such as family, friends, full tummy, watching the baby play with the dog, but what about those things that we generally don’t feel gratitude for? Here are some tips to be in a constant state of gratitude.

1.     Make bill-paying a time for gratitude. Yes, paying bills IS a time for gratitude. As your write each check or pay each online bill, be in gratitude. Be thankful that you owe the money as this means that your life was added to in some way. If the bill is for your mortgage or rent – thank you for the roof over our heads. If the bill is for your education – thank you for the opportunity to go to school. If the bill is for electric, gas, telephone, be thankful for these things as well. If you maintain an attitude of gratitude as you pay your bills you are actually adding to the positive vibration that goes with your money – both coming in and going out. You create a feeling of bounty. So, as you sign that check or click “pay” say a brief “thank you.” These two words, this feeling of thanks, will make bill paying a lot better. Blessings everywhere.

2.    When you are stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic, instead of adding to the negative feelings that everyone around you has, be in gratitude. Yup! Traffic usually has a lot of negative energy. When you are angry, too, you only add to the negative vibration around you. You become a part of the negative energy. What can you do instead? How about turning up the radio and sing really loud. Or turn to the neighboring driver and smile and mouth “hi.” This not only makes you feel better, you have just helped to brighten someone else’s mood as well. Kids do it all the time. Do you remember waving at every car when you were a kid? People almost always waved back.

3.     You’re standing in a long line waiting to check out or return an item or whatever reason and the line has only budged a small amount in the last 10 minutes. How can you be in gratitude with this mess? You can do a couple of things. One might be to realize this is NOT how you want to spend your time and leave – it might be best to come back at a time when there are more sales people or just less people. Or, you could start chatting with the other people in line. You might make a new friend – how much gratitude is there in that? Maybe you can all start singing to whatever song that is playing on the store’s music system. If you are in gratitude rather than anger, you can make it into a party. Maybe you can Congo Line up to the register. The thing is if you are angry about the long wait, you spread your anger to the other people in line and what might have been an opportunity to make a new friend; you have instead spread the negative energy around.

I can’t say that I am not guilty of a less than thankful attitude while paying an outrageous bill or standing at a never-ending line at the post office. Like you, I need to be reminded that an attitude of gratitude is not just a “holiday” thing, it is an all year – 365 days a year thing.

In gratitude for all my wonderful followers,

Judith

PS How do you show gratitude daily? Please comment below – we love comments.

 

Hey, knock, knock – are you stuck?

As the summer of 2013 comes to a close I feel some old fears popping up. Do you feel them? Usually those fears revolve around money, job, shelter, love, family, etc.

A number of years ago I took a wonderful course called Fearless Living by Rhonda Britten. You may have heard of Rhonda because she was a guest on Oprah a number of times. She also had a show back in the 90’s called “Starting Over.” I was so thrilled with the concepts behind Fearless Living that I became certified as a facilitator of her amazing method of living a life absent of fear.

I don’t teach this 10-week class often because it is … well 10 weeks …. but it is such a powerful way to end the year, that I have to offer it again.

So, here is a little about the course: It is a customized 10-week phone-in coaching course will help you reach your authentic life. Each session will bring you closer to a life filled with joy. Be bold the way you always wanted to be.

As your coach and facilitator, I will help you acquire peace of mind, build your confidence, and have a deeper understanding of the world. I will guide you and your fellow Fearless Living group members on this path of understanding and love.

How does this work?

We will meet via teleconference in a small group to ensure intimacy and personal contact for an hour once a week. All calls will be recorded so that you may go back and re-listen or catch up on a call you might miss. You can listen from your desk at work or from your couch at home. Anywhere that is comfortable for you.

As an added bonus, I will provide you with your Core Value Index Assessment (CVI). CVI measures how you can make your highest and best contribution in society. You’ll learn how to draw on your strengths. This is a powerful tool that can help you determine your path to success. CVI consultation is 50 minutes long and includes my careful coaching and encouragement.

Be sure to check my website under Workshops and then under Fearless Living.

Come join me in living Fearlessly!

New Renaissance Bookstore

I am so excited!
On Sunday, October 20th, I will be giving a talk at New Renaissance Bookstore from 1:00 to 5:00 (4 hours). This is a great opportunity and hope that some of you can join me.

Finding Purpose In the Second Half of Life
Judith Auslander, Sun. Oct. 20, 1-5 pm $40

Here is the write-up on the New Ren newsletter about my talk:
We’ve heard of our Inner Child but what about our Inner Elder? This workshop explores the process of Sage-ing, a way of living the second half of our lives joyfully, with deep meaning, purpose and fulfillment. It involves cultivating personal and spiritual growth, developing new passions and forms of service. Judith will guide you to look at some of the obstacles that stop you from enjoying your elder years fully, such as fear of our mortality, the unfinished work of grief and forgiveness or the perception of invisibility in a culture obsessed with youth. Judith Auslander is the author of the book, The Power of Goal Setting and owner of Wise Heart Coaching she is a Certified Life Coach and Sage-ing Leader.

To participate go to http://newrenbooks.com/events/oct_reg.html#aus and find my name.

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