Judith Auslander, MA, MAIS, CLC, CHt

Empowering Women to Weave Their Dreams Into Reality!

Four Reasons We Self Sabotage

stop-self-sabotage-behaviour

 

Why We Self-Sabotage (continued from WHC Insights Newsletter – if you missed your copy, just email me and I will send it out to you.)

In WHC Insights we discovered how we all self-sabotage. The first of the Four Reasons was Our Values are not Attuned to our Goals and two, Fear of Failure. Now on to reasons 3 and 4.

 3. Fear of Success

Yup, you can have fear of success. How? The biggest fear of success is that you will actually succeed – then what? How will you be changed? How will life change? What will friends and family think?
Let’s take losing weight as a concept – you lose the weight over summer break from school. In the fall you meet up with your old friends but you are no longer interested in joining them for the usual burger and fries. You aren’t behaving as they predict. When you do join them, you order a salad.  Yikes! The camaraderie of burgers and fries is missing. What do you do? Often you might just give in and regain the weight so that you can keep the same relationships.
Or, what if you are successful at your business and start making money. Instead of being the poor friend or family member you now have new clothes, new car, maybe you purchase a home, travel. Will there be jealousy? Will you find yourself feeling like you should pay for times you all go out? Yes, of course, true friends will be your “Hurray” team, but things change. Also, are you ready to see yourself as a person who has the wealth that you only dreamed about? Are you prepared for success?
Sometimes it is just easier to not rock the boat and instead of losing weight, becoming successful, and succeeding, to just sabotage and fail.

4. Lack of Commitment

Generally, lack of commitment is when you decide you want to change something or start doing something that you normally don’t do. These include all of the above ideas such as losing weight, exercising, going to school, writing a book, walking or bicycling to work rather then driving, start the business you have always wanted, learn another language – the millions of things that you say you “want” to do, but are not really committed to. Maybe it is a dream, a want, a desire – not really something you are willing to put actual time and energy into. The trick is, to know when something is just a nice idea, but that the heart really isn’t into the work it will take to follow through to the end.

If you start a new project, and you aren’t committed, then you will most assuredly sabotage and not follow through.

There are other reasons we self-sabotage or resist. Maybe our steps are too huge – like wanting to lose 30 pounds. Maybe if they were smaller, easier steps such as losing 5 pounds? Then we could celebrate and then make the next goal another 5 pounds.

Love your comments – Judith

 

What happens when we Jump To Conclusions?

download  We all do it – jump to a conclusion.

  Today, I had that experience with a dear friend. It was painful! My friend had jumped to a    conclusion and called me angry and with accusations that I was immediately hurt by and  responded to.

  I reacted! I retaliated with my own anger at her accusations. I defended myself. This is the  ego in full defense – and my body responded. My blood pressure went up, I could feel my head start to ache, my voice rose with anger, and replied to her with what I felt was justification. There was also a part of me that wanted to hide – to just say “OK” and end the argument. To swallow my hurt instead of speaking my pain.

The thing is – all of my immediate reactions were part of my lower self – my ego – which felt that it needed to protect itself. Instead of being in question, I became reactive. Instead of inviting the Light in to help me in understanding the situation better, I belched out my anger. 

Later, once I calmed down and thought about the situation I realized that this was not like my friend at all. It is not normal for her to accuse instead of asking questions. So, I called her back. I apologized for responding from my ego and asked her what was going on with her, if she was okay. Through communicating from our higher self we realized that we both reacted incorrectly and promised to ask questions rather than accuse. This felt whole – this felt light.

When have you responded from your ego – reactive self – instead of your higher side? I would love to read your comments.

What are you going to change for 2014?

My most recent WHC Insights newsletter asked how you were going to        S-T-R-E-T-C-H yourself in 2014. I look forward to you adding your ways of stretching here. And I will check in and will comment.

In the meantime – Wise Heart Coaching is also going to be stretching and spreading her wings.

Stay tuned for changes to the website. These changes will reflect the various ways that Wise Heart Coaching is changing and growing. This year I graduated with two different certificates: 1. as a Sage-ing Leader and 2. as a CVI (Core Value Index) Assessment Coach. I will be doing CVI assessments which includes one hour of coaching for $99. You will learn a lot more about yourself. If interested, drop me a line. Just visit my Contact Me Page.

This year Wise Heart Coaching is also branching out into the business world. Using the CVI, my book on goal setting, along with the many tools I have learned in building a team.

In May I will be attending The Wellness Institute in Issaquah Washington to become a Hypnotherapist. This is something that I have wanted to do for years and am very excited about adding hypnotherapy to my coaching skills.

2014 promises to be a big year for Wise Heart Coaching and I am honored that you are joining me on this adventure.

 

An Attitude of Gratitude

It is easy to be in gratitude for the things that are wonderful in life such as family, friends, full tummy, watching the baby play with the dog, but what about those things that we generally don’t feel gratitude for? Here are some tips to be in a constant state of gratitude.

1.     Make bill-paying a time for gratitude. Yes, paying bills IS a time for gratitude. As your write each check or pay each online bill, be in gratitude. Be thankful that you owe the money as this means that your life was added to in some way. If the bill is for your mortgage or rent – thank you for the roof over our heads. If the bill is for your education – thank you for the opportunity to go to school. If the bill is for electric, gas, telephone, be thankful for these things as well. If you maintain an attitude of gratitude as you pay your bills you are actually adding to the positive vibration that goes with your money – both coming in and going out. You create a feeling of bounty. So, as you sign that check or click “pay” say a brief “thank you.” These two words, this feeling of thanks, will make bill paying a lot better. Blessings everywhere.

2.    When you are stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic, instead of adding to the negative feelings that everyone around you has, be in gratitude. Yup! Traffic usually has a lot of negative energy. When you are angry, too, you only add to the negative vibration around you. You become a part of the negative energy. What can you do instead? How about turning up the radio and sing really loud. Or turn to the neighboring driver and smile and mouth “hi.” This not only makes you feel better, you have just helped to brighten someone else’s mood as well. Kids do it all the time. Do you remember waving at every car when you were a kid? People almost always waved back.

3.     You’re standing in a long line waiting to check out or return an item or whatever reason and the line has only budged a small amount in the last 10 minutes. How can you be in gratitude with this mess? You can do a couple of things. One might be to realize this is NOT how you want to spend your time and leave – it might be best to come back at a time when there are more sales people or just less people. Or, you could start chatting with the other people in line. You might make a new friend – how much gratitude is there in that? Maybe you can all start singing to whatever song that is playing on the store’s music system. If you are in gratitude rather than anger, you can make it into a party. Maybe you can Congo Line up to the register. The thing is if you are angry about the long wait, you spread your anger to the other people in line and what might have been an opportunity to make a new friend; you have instead spread the negative energy around.

I can’t say that I am not guilty of a less than thankful attitude while paying an outrageous bill or standing at a never-ending line at the post office. Like you, I need to be reminded that an attitude of gratitude is not just a “holiday” thing, it is an all year – 365 days a year thing.

In gratitude for all my wonderful followers,

Judith

PS How do you show gratitude daily? Please comment below – we love comments.

 

Hey, knock, knock – are you stuck?

As the summer of 2013 comes to a close I feel some old fears popping up. Do you feel them? Usually those fears revolve around money, job, shelter, love, family, etc.

A number of years ago I took a wonderful course called Fearless Living by Rhonda Britten. You may have heard of Rhonda because she was a guest on Oprah a number of times. She also had a show back in the 90′s called “Starting Over.” I was so thrilled with the concepts behind Fearless Living that I became certified as a facilitator of her amazing method of living a life absent of fear.

I don’t teach this 10-week class often because it is … well 10 weeks …. but it is such a powerful way to end the year, that I have to offer it again.

So, here is a little about the course: It is a customized 10-week phone-in coaching course will help you reach your authentic life. Each session will bring you closer to a life filled with joy. Be bold the way you always wanted to be.

As your coach and facilitator, I will help you acquire peace of mind, build your confidence, and have a deeper understanding of the world. I will guide you and your fellow Fearless Living group members on this path of understanding and love.

How does this work?

We will meet via teleconference in a small group to ensure intimacy and personal contact for an hour once a week. All calls will be recorded so that you may go back and re-listen or catch up on a call you might miss. You can listen from your desk at work or from your couch at home. Anywhere that is comfortable for you.

As an added bonus, I will provide you with your Core Value Index Assessment (CVI). CVI measures how you can make your highest and best contribution in society. You’ll learn how to draw on your strengths. This is a powerful tool that can help you determine your path to success. CVI consultation is 50 minutes long and includes my careful coaching and encouragement.

Be sure to check my website under Workshops and then under Fearless Living.

Come join me in living Fearlessly!

New Renaissance Bookstore

I am so excited!
On Sunday, October 20th, I will be giving a talk at New Renaissance Bookstore from 1:00 to 5:00 (4 hours). This is a great opportunity and hope that some of you can join me.

Finding Purpose In the Second Half of Life
Judith Auslander, Sun. Oct. 20, 1-5 pm $40

Here is the write-up on the New Ren newsletter about my talk:
We’ve heard of our Inner Child but what about our Inner Elder? This workshop explores the process of Sage-ing, a way of living the second half of our lives joyfully, with deep meaning, purpose and fulfillment. It involves cultivating personal and spiritual growth, developing new passions and forms of service. Judith will guide you to look at some of the obstacles that stop you from enjoying your elder years fully, such as fear of our mortality, the unfinished work of grief and forgiveness or the perception of invisibility in a culture obsessed with youth. Judith Auslander is the author of the book, The Power of Goal Setting and owner of Wise Heart Coaching she is a Certified Life Coach and Sage-ing Leader.

To participate go to http://newrenbooks.com/events/oct_reg.html#aus and find my name.

Take Charge of the Upcoming Holiday Season Now!

From September 24th WHC Insights Newsletter – not getting yours – sign up today! (It’s over there – right there – on your right – see it?)

The Autum Equinox! Fall – Crisp Air, Falling Leaves, beautiful colors of orange, red and brown.  I love fall, don’t you?  Bundling up for the cold.  Planting bulbs to come up in the spring.  It is also the beginning of the holiday season.  How do you feel about the holidays?  Do they bring happiness, a huge “to do” list, or maybe the holidays bring sadness or loneliness?  There are ways to cope with all the emotions that get tangled up (like last years Christmas tree lights) around this time of year.  

First of all, make sure you take care of yourself.  Often we get so busy taking care of others, we forget the very important duty to take care of ourselves.  When we neglect ourselves, we are not serving others.  Caretakers are often the ones who need caring for.  They are so busy making sure that everyone’s needs are looked after that they forget themselves – affecting their own health.  So, my first advice is self-care.  Granted you may not be showing your toes right now, but go get a pedicure anyway.  It feels wonderful and is time just for you.  Or, bundle up and go out and explore the beauty of mother nature.  When we spend too much time indoors we don’t get to breathe in the clean air we need for our physical and mental health.

Second is to Plan Ahead.  Make a list of everything on your mental “to do” list, and allow your mind to think of other things. Take your list and divide it up into weeks.  This way you avoid the stress of last minute running around.  Remember, everyone else who is stressed and running around at the last minute is stressing your energy field as well.  Prepare in advance and you are protecting your energy field and everyone elses.

Third suggestion is exercise.  Nothing releases the tension in your body and your mind more than a good sweat. Exercising either outside or at the gym; sweating out the toxins is good! Exercise opens up the lungs, cleans out the pores, and really helps your body feel good.  Make sure that if you haven’t exercised for a while to take it slow.  Starting out like gangbusters will only make you sore and you will quit.  Going too fast is a great way to self-sabotage yourself, and you do not want to do that.

Fourth suggestion is to find friends to hang with, laugh with, go to the movies with, take a class with, exercise with, and share meals with.  True friends will not let you hang around in a state of self-pity.  They will hug you when you need a hug and kick you in the tush when you need that as well.  They can also help take the stress out of the holidays.  There is no reason for you to be alone.  Remember, it’s a choice.  Give yourself the power to make a choice that works for you.

Fifth and last suggestion is to sign up today for my upcoming Fearless Living Class. Living a Faith Based Life over a Fear Based Life changes everything. Join me and up to 15 guests for 10 weeks of learning how to live fearlessly. Fearless Living is based on the book by Rhonda Britten, which we will use throughout the 10 weeks; October 16th – Dec. 18th. Tell your friends and family to sign up today. Great holiday gift idea. Registration is now open – $155 for 10 weeks – that’s only $15.50 a class!!!! Make 2014 a Fearless Year!

Fearless Living is back

In coaching I find that many of my clients are living a fear-based, rather than faith-based life. And that makes so much sense. Look at our media, it is filled with fear. We are told to fear everything from underarm odor to war in the Middle East. There is very little – if anything – about living a faith-based life. In fact, who even knows what a faith-based life is? If you are curious, it is a life that is based on trust, faith, and an inner knowing that I know the right decision for my life. A faith-based life is staying in the moment and not living in the past or in tomorrow, but right here, right now. It is actually a wonderful way to live. It is the way I am constantly working to live my life.

So, who did I learn all this great information from – Rhonda Britten – from her wonderful book, Fearless Living. I read her book and loved it, so I decided to find out more. I went online and took her course in how to teach Fearless Living using her book as a guide.

Since than I have taught several Fearless Living classes. Mostly, I teach it over a conference line in group sessions. This allows people from all over the country to participate.

I have a new class coming up in October. Check it out. 

Sage-ing and a New Kind of Journaling

Wow! This year is starting out with busy, fun, and enlightening.

I am currently half way through my first Sage-ing course – 3 weeks of delight. I feel so honored to be taking these souls through the Sage-ing journey.

I start my next class on Monday, March 4th at Apositiva in Portland, Oregon. See the flyer on the Sage-ing page or on my Wise Heart Coaching Facebook page. This will be a 5-week course.

I am also taking a fantastic course from Janet Connor called Writing Down Your Soul from her book with the same name. It is journaling – but not journaling. This is a way to get into the Theta brainwave so that you are writing, but not with your conscious, critical mind. It is done quickly without editing. When writing you address the voice within. I have so far called mine, My Dearly Beloved. It is a love letter from myself to myself. I am very much looking forward to reaching my soul self in writing. With this I will discover even more of my purpose in life, be more successful in my work, and feel more satisfied within my life choices. This is a gift I am giving myself.

I have also completed my thesis on Intergenerational Communities and receive my second masters from Marylhurst. I feel proud that I made it through this a second time – but I wouldn’t want to do it again.

Blessings all, Judith

It’s been a busy year!

It’s been a busy year!

I am so excited! Yes! I did it! It is done! Yesterday, December 27th I handed in the 6 copies of my 137-page thesis on Intergenerational Communities. This will mean that I get my 2nd masters dated 2012. Wow! Getting it done and handed in was like taking a monkey off my back. Just to let you know, monkeys are not fun hanging on your back all day nagging at you.

Do you have any monkeys that are hanging onto your shoulders weighing you down? I bet it would feel good to get those dudes gone. A coach helped me get mine off – maybe I can help you with yours.

So, are you setting goals for 2013? I already have my goals outlined for me. As per usual, it will be a busy year. First of all I have my Sage-ing Leadership program to finish. I am suppose to fulfill all my assignments by this summer in order to graduate. I am already working on that one.

I also really want to get serious about my bucket list. Just a few months ago I fulfilled something on my bucket list which was to got to a Murder Mystery Dinner. I did. My girlfriend and I dressed up as husband and wife. I wore a mustache, hat, cane, pink tennis shoes, and a clip on tie. They asked me to be a part of the play – I said sure. I was totally stoked. I ended up playing the groom and I was even the murderer – although I didn’t know I had “done it” until the end. It was so much fun! It was one of the highlights of my life. In fact, I enjoyed it so much, it has given me the courage to try out for our community theater. (I will keep you posted on that).

So, think about your Bucket List. The Bucket List is an important part of the book I wrote on goal setting as it really does inspire you to do things you might say otherwise is silly, or not possible. You’d be surprised what your Bucket List might inspire you to do.

See you next year. Happy New Year’s everyone.

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